Awakening

Dawn

I have a feeling compression wear, shapers, okay…long line girdles! are going to be my new best friend.  I went shopping for smaller clothes today (yay!) and got a glimpse of my naked legs in the mirror (boo!).  I don’t have full length mirror at home so I’ve been spared this very scary sight.  I’ll admit it, I broke down in tears when I saw the flabby skinned, dimpled and varicose veined appendages that are my legs.  I cried quietly, wondering how I had let myself get to the point where I looked like I did.  Yes, I’ve been successful with the surgery and have lost 53 lbs.  Yes, I know that at 53 years old the chances of my skin being elastic and bouncing back are slim to none but it still did not prepare me for how gruesome my legs looked.

I dried my eyes, went out and purchased the tops I had picked out.  I DID NOT buy the bag of Godiva chocolate that was near the register. I DID NOT go to CVS and buy chocolate.  I DID NOT go to Wendy’s and buy french fries.  And that is what is so wonderful about this journey, about my new tool, about my conviction to make this work.  I let the feelings I had come to the surface and dealt with them. So, for the time being, for however long it takes, I will not look at my legs until I can do so without feeling bad.  It may not be the best thing, it may not be what others think I should do, but it is what I need to do to get over this hump, this hill, this mountain.

And I will not use food to cope.

5 Days Post-op

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Well, I’m five days out of surgery and happy to report everything went great.  Only a little scar tissue from previous surgeries and the worst pain was from the gas.  Once I was able, I was up and walking, walking, walking to help get rid of it.  I did so well I was able to leave the next afternoon. The nurse said I was very compliant with the dr.’s orders.  Well, why wouldn’t I be?  I’m the only one who is hurt if I’m not.  She then told me of a patient who was only one day out of surgery and was asking when she could have pizza.  Pizza!?  Are you kidding me?  Here the dr. gave her a new start to life and she’s concerned about pizza?  Wow.

So I’ve been walking and drinking my liquids but am looking forward to yogurt, cottage cheese, and applesauce next week.  It will be a nice change from protein drinks, water, and tea.  I’m home for two more weeks and am really hoping I don’t go crazy during that time.  I need to find things to keep me busy because you know what they say about idle hands…

Have not weighed myself even though it’s killing me.  I promised myself I would only get on the scale once a week and I’m sticking to that.  I can already notice a difference in how my clothes fit and I was actually able to get my engagement ring on! Ah, the small victories.

The Legend of Birchthorn – 75% funded!!

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An update from Jenna’s blog, Cold Antler Farm:

The Kickstarter for Birchthorn is down to the less than $3,000 to reach completion. I have five days to reach that goal, and I sure do hope it happens. If I make the goal I will be able to start writing Birchthorn for the folks who are backing it and building a whole new world of characters and story! If I don’t reach the goal, then zero dollars are sent to Cold Antler Farm and allotted to this self publishing endeavor. I hope that you join us in plegding and help the community reach the goal that will make the project happen! I thank you as well for sharing the link with family, friends, farm folk and literature fans!

Please help fund this worthy endeavor.  Jenna is a single homesteader and fantastic author.  I have read part of this story and guarantee that if you like spooky mysteries, this is a book for you.  Even if you can only donate $1 or 5, every little bit helps.

Click on this link: The Legend of Birchthorn to pledge your donation.  Thanks!

Fairies

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Fairies are real.
Yes, they are.
They come to me when it is quiet,
when I am not looking for them.
They flit around my head
in the form of moths, butterflies, and honeybees.
They disguise themselves to see
if I am kind and compassionate,
if I leave them be, and don’t run away.
If I watch them long enough,
as they fly away,
they become very tiny, very beautiful,
Fairies.

The Legend of Birchthorn

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My friend Jenna Woginrich, homesteader, archer, author, and blogger, has started a campaign on Kickstarter.  She is writing a story, The Legend of Birchthorn, and is publishing it herself.

It is a story that takes place in her rural county (Washington County, NY) in the early 1900’s and the strange occurrences happening in the farmland around it. Birchthorn is  a mystery and paranormal thriller involving a widow and her small farm in the winter, her community of eccentrics and farmers alike, and the strange resurgence of an old legend coming back to life in a small town. 

Jenna is a great gal who also happens to be a fantastic author.  I’ve read part of this story and was immediately hooked.  I’m thinking that part of the reason for this Kickstarter is to get me off her back.  I think she was getting tired of hearing me say, “Did you write the next chapter yet?  When is the next chapter coming out?”  Perfect way to get me to shut up.

Please go over to Kickstarter and pledge what you can.  Then go over to Cold Antler Farm and check out her blog.  You’ll be glad you did.

T Minus Seven Days…

Blast-Off

Seven days until my surgery.  Wow, did that come quickly!  So, for those of you following, I made it through the night of my sleep study and for my troubles came home with this beautiful prize.

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I know, right?  Don’t be jealous.

Anywho, I don’t have the machine itself, still waiting for a call from the home health company to get it set up.  Hopefully it will get here before next Monday.

So, back to the surgery.  I am excited and nervous.  Excited to be starting this journey and nervous because, well, I’m undergoing major surgery.  I’ve had surgeries in the past and no matter how much trust I have in the dr. I still get nervous.  Anything can happen but I have no control over that, so I’m trying to just let it go. No!  There will be no Elsa singing…

I’m still in a little disbelief though.  I have been overweight my entire life, have lost pound after pound and found it again so it’s hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that this surgery is a tool that will work for me and work fast.  Once I start losing and it’s not a chore to move and I have more energy I plan on trying some new workouts.  Yoga, bellydancing, the barre workout (ballet for the mere mortal) and maybe Zumba.  Still not sure about jumping around – the left knee has no cartilage – and no amount of weight loss is going to bring that back.

I’ve already gotten a taste of this with the 20 lbs I’ve lost.  My hubby and I went to the horse track in town to help out with a fundraiser for St. Baldrick’s.  We brought a big box of t-shirts and hats home to sell at the March fundraiser, so I let hubby stay with the boxes and I walked the few blocks to where our car was parked.  It was a very quick walk and I wasn’t even winded when I got to the car.  Success!!  I’ll take those little achievements any day.

This week is liquids only and starting Friday just clear liquids.  The last steps until the big day.  It’ll be tough but it is SO going to be worth it.

 

 

Tonight’s the Night…

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Unfortunately, not with Rod “the Bod” Stewart.  It is the night for my second try at the sleep study.  Not as good, but I’ll probably get more sleep with the CPAP than I would with Rod.  Maybe not….I digress.

Anyhoooo, the surgeon really wants me to have this machine while I’m in the hospital so I’ll be staying at Chez Sleep Lab tonight.  I’m using Afrin before I go to make sure my nose is clear and hoping for the best.

Tonight’s the night,

It’s gonna be allright

I sure hope so.